Forever Connected, Dad

Today marks three years since my father's soul decided to leave his body. Of course, having such a dry sense of humor, it would only make sense for him to choose Christmas Eve, a day of celebration that he would have wanted to celebrate. Mourning will be a forever process, yet it has given me the strength to continue growing.

I look for the light in the darkest moments and believe it's always there. My father's death brought to view a new unfolding path (still unfolding) that might not have come to the surface otherwise, and I'm so grateful for that. Don't get me wrong, I miss my father dearly and wish he were still present, and I also know that he wouldn't want me to sulk in a pity party and instead would want me to live to my fullest, healthy and happy.

At first, with the loss of my father, I took on this false sense of fear, thinking that anything I love will be taken away from me. A wake-up call happened the night of my father's funeral; in my dreams, he came to me, looked well, and was drinking his grey goose on the rocks that he enjoyed having from time to time. I said, "Dad, I need you; why did you leave me?" He replied, "I'm always with you."

I believe this to be true and realize that he's more with me than he could ever be. He shows me himself from feathers left around for me to find or how the time of his death always seems to pop up. It's very comforting to think that I get to spend more time with him now as he continues to guide me on this life journey, and all I have to do is pay attention to the signs.

My fear of loss has brought me to an understanding that nothing is ever taken away; it lives on in memories, my heart, and the authentic self that exists with each breath. Everything we encounter is given to us as a gift, as we are gifts for each other, we are all connected, and to me, that's the definition of true love. We are forever connected.

Happy Holidays

Love and Light

Lauren