Lone Wolf
A lone wolf is defined as a person or animal that spends time alone. Over the past few months, I have embraced a lone wolf lifestyle of solitude over socializing to rejuvenate and reinvent myself.
Setting off on my own was a conscious decision to focus on internally. I would describe it as diving into the deep ocean realms where fears of the unknown reside, good and bad. Again, using the ocean as a metaphor, the deeper into the abyss, the weirder, darker, and scarier shit might become, but also recognizing that most of the creature's inherent radiant light energy of bioluminescence serves different purposes.
I feel that the same goes for us looking at the uncomfortable parts of ourselves, and if we were to look at the depths of our subconscious, we too have an innate guiding light. Furthermore, we have only been able to explore 5% of the ocean floor, which leaves 95% of it a mystery. Could this be the mystery of our unconscious, and if uncovered, how much brightness could we possibly find? Hmmm
I wanted to explore the layers of this unknown weirdness, bringing to the surface what the subconscious mind was ready to provide and trust it wouldn't show me anything I wasn't prepared to know. In doing so, I knew that I needed no distractions and discipline (stay tuned for my journal entry "Jedi In Training," where I go into how to discipline myself) unless it regarded my wellbeing or integrated with benefiting my career. So I'm taking time to gravitate towards what my soul has been craving: to stand in the truth of my unique, authentic self where I can flourish best.
As expected, venturing out on my own, I have encountered a few hardships, feeling moments of loneliness, jealousy, and FOMO (fear of missing out). An internal battle of my ego's conditioning of bullshit stories to want to be a part of something and follow the herd. I decided to let go of this false sense of self through the process of reconditioning.
I'm learning to quiet my mind through meditation, tuning into my intuition and self-survival compass of mind, body, and soul. I'm falling in love with the natural process of taking the path of least resistance, listening, and trusting the divine guidance and, in doing so, gathering the ancient wisdom of our ancestors to incorporate it into modern life. I've concluded that I'm never alone and can feel connected on a universal scale where limits are endless.
Not only has it helped me realize my self-worth, but it has also given me the empowerment of freedom to do more things that make me happy. , For example, taking piano and violin lessons, volunteering with wolves, yoga and kickboxing, meditation, archery, reading and writing, learning, and of course, creating. I believe one of the greatest gifts it has given me (we all have and seem to forget) is choice. I get to decide where I want my future to go and set roots in pursuing my dreams and goals. It hasn't come to fruition yet, but I believe that we can have it all.
In the animal kingdom, a lone wolf will eventually find a pack of their own, for that's where they thrive. I'm still in the wandering phase, planting seeds and gaining a better perspective of the land (my mind). Not sure where I belong yet, but in creating my path, I'm evolving and living the best reflection of myself. Focusing on the internal has made everything externally brighter, for happiness is truly within. Grounding myself with nourishing energy to strengthen my territory as I make my footprints, I continue rediscovering who I'm meant to be. In time I will find my new tribe; for now, breathe, shine, expand, and grow.
Side Note:
I've been volunteering with the wolves in South Salem, New York (a little over an hour outside NYC). If you have the opportunity, check it out https://nywolf.org/. It's awesome!