Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Yesterday morning I was at my boyfriend's when I got an urgent message from my friend. She informed me that a random dog at our villa seemed to be having seizures. I rushed home as quickly as possible to see what was going on.

When I arrived, the dog was lying in the garden, unable to move, and it looked like it was having difficulty breathing. I instantly threw my stuff down to be by the dog's side. The villa owners and staff were attending to the situation, and I began to ask questions.

No one knew where he came from and how he ended up where he did. I was told he strolled in the night prior, covered in mud from the rice fields, foaming at the mouth, and unable to stand. Since it was so late in the evening, no vet was open. However, the villa owners and staff did all they could, cleaning him up and giving him water and a place to rest.

After a harrowing evening of not knowing what to do and thinking the dog might not last the night, which he miraculously did, the villa owners got in touch with the vet first thing in the morning. I was told the vet was on her way but still decided to call my boyfriend to get the number of his house vet. I figured trying to get any vet to the villa as soon as possible would be best.

It so happened that the vet I messaged was the same one that the villa owners called. So now it has become a waiting game. I didn't want the dog to be alone, even if it was his last moment. So I sat with him, looking into his eyes, talking, and letting him know that help was coming.

I noticed that his eyes were bulging out of his head, which meant trauma or poison, according to google. He also had a dog collar, indicating that he belonged to someone. The villa owners then told me they posted on Canggu Community on Facebook about the lost dog, but no one replied.

After a closer look, I realized that he was covered in ticks, so I assumed his family might have abandoned him. Unfortunately, due to the unfortunate circumstances of COVID this year, many animals have been left behind here in Bali. And sadly, dogs being poisoned here is also a common thing.

I tried to stay as strong as possible, but my emotions began to creep in as I watched the dog have a seizure in its fragile state. Trying to hold back tears, every minute seemed like hours on end. All anyone could do was keep him cool with a wet towel from the hot Bali sun and try to give him coconut water to keep him hydrated.

The vet finally arrived and moved him to an area to examine him better. But, unfortunately, she felt it was a poison that he had ingested. Since she was on call at the villa, she didn't have the necessary equipment to begin an antitoxin drip, and she told us to take him down to the local veterinary clinic.

I promptly offered to take him to the clinic and made it my mission that I would do whatever was needed for his chance of survival. Quickly gathering my stuff, I hopped on the back of one of the villa staffs scooter and followed the vet, who had the dog on the back of another.

We arrived at the clinic and waited for the doctor. The vet who came to my villa spoke briefly to the doctor about what was happening. Then she and the staff had to leave, and I was left to tend to the situation. I sat on the floor with him, letting him know that I was still present and he wasn't alone.

A gentleman with a big golden retriever was also waiting to see the doctor and asked me what had happened. I proceeded to tell him the situation, and he informed me that some parasite was going around that was killing the dogs on the island. Still, I was hoping that whatever the dog was suffering from, I wasn't too late.

The doctor took the dog into the back to assess the situation. I proceeded to fill out paperwork, complicated enough since I didn't know who the dog belonged to. Finally, I decided to give him the name Zeus for his strength of how he survived the night before, hoping he would continue to stay strong.

All to be done now was wait patiently for news of what was happening. It wasn't long before the doctor came out and told me that he believed the dog had ingested poison, just as the other vet said. I asked him what the chances of his survival were, and he couldn't give me a straight answer. So I told him to do what he felt was necessary and proceed with the antitoxin drip.

The front women told me it would be best to go home and wait to hear from them. I was very hesitant about doing so. I didn't want to leave the dog's side and have anything done without my consent. But, she persisted, so I paid a deposit and headed home.

Once I got home, my boyfriend called to see how I was holding up and what the update was with the dog. I told him that the dog, now given the name Zeus, was put on an antitoxin drip and that the vet would contact me. My boyfriend and I have a genuine love for animals. We sometimes even drive around Bali, feeding the street dogs.

Within minutes of speaking with him, the vet called me and told me to return to the clinic. I was upset because, deep down, I knew I shouldn't have left. Back on the bike and now back to the vet. And as soon as I arrived, the vet brought me to the back where Zeus was resting.

I sat on the floor next to the vet, and he told me that Zeus had three seizures since the time I first brought him in and left. He also said that I could continue to give him the antitoxin, but it was improbable that he would survive since the poison had been in his system for more than 6 hours. Or I needed to decide to euthanize him since he was suffering.

I could no longer hold back the tears and visible waterworks, even from behind my face mask. I didn't know what to do. He wasn't my dog; how could I make that decision? And at this vulnerable moment, I called my boyfriend.

I learned early on that having too many emotions shows weakness. That it's ok to cry for a moment, but you should bury your feeling and toughen up. So I question now what it means to have too many emotions, and why would I ever have to hide them?

My boyfriend immediately came to be with me and felt terrible that he could not be there the whole time. In my state of vulnerability, I noticed how I kept apologizing for my behavior as if it was a bad thing that I was crying about a dying dog. I almost felt uncomfortable, as if I was doing something wrong.

At that moment, he held me in his arms and told me everything would be ok and that we were in this together. I allowed myself to slowly lean into a beautiful vulnerability because I knew I could trust him and the discomfort of a new shift in the paradigm I'm willing to embrace.

It became evident that Zeus was in pain, and the best solution was to euthanize him. So we gave the go-ahead and signed what the vet needed to proceed. You would think, after being present, when my father took his last breath, that watching death happen would get easier. Well, it sure doesn't. And a few moments later, with my boyfriend by my side, we said our goodbyes.

I know we made the right choice, even though it was difficult. Today I woke up to a beautiful rainbow, the first one I've ever seen in Bali. It made me feel at peace and awakened an inner knowing that Zeus is in a better place, no longer suffering and probably chasing geckos.

I've also realized my emotions are valued, and it is ok not to be ok. With life eventually comes death, and grieving is part of it. I'm beyond grateful for my boyfriend, the villa owners and staff at Happy Days, and the vets that took the time to be in a place of unconditional love. And tomorrow, I'm looking forward to going out and celebrating Zeus's life.

Sending love & light

Lauren