Grateful Heart

Have you ever been scared to admit that you're happy? As if once you say it, it will magically go away. And if you do say it, then your mind begins to self-sabotage. Questioning, "why do I deserve this," who am I to be in a healthy relationship or live in the place of my dreams?"

From time to time, when things are going well for me, I catch myself thinking thoughts or taking action that negates the reality of what is actually going on. For example, my partner and I are renovating a house, an absolute dream of mine! However, recently I have had anxiety because there's this story in my mind that I'm just waiting for the whole relationship to come crashing down. But there is no evidence that this will happen. So why is my mind feeding me these thoughts?

I realized I gained a sense of security by sitting in my own bullshit story. And that's the thing; it's just a bullshit story that has made me feel safe for years but no longer serves me or my growth. So when moments like this occur for me, I know it's time to do the inner work. And God knows that it's ultimately only you that can change your thoughts, and you can't put that expectation on others.

Returning to breathwork, yoga, meditation, coaching, and even now, writing about it is therapeutic for me. It helps me see things clearly for what they are and guides me to find evidence that my limited thoughts are false. It takes me back to a place of gratitude, the best feeling in the world when you honestly feel that in your bones.

I know that these self-sabotage encounters have a deeper meaning, and work is still to be done to bring that meaning to light. It's all about riding the wave and knowing some days I might be feeling not so great, and others on top of the world. Each day is a new opportunity on the horizon, and healing is a part of that. So in the present moment, I will start with an open and grateful heart to accept whatever process I am going through.

Happy Thanksgiving

What are you grateful for in your heart?