Release
Love is one of the unique gifts and emotions that we share as humans. Sometimes it feels like a never-ending fairytale, and then in an unsuspecting instant can become the zombie apocalypse. Let's be honest; no one ever wants to discuss the breakup.
Love can also leave us blinded, making excuses for why humans can behave like such shit, wondering where we went wrong, and blaming ourselves. Questioning; was it the distance, getting denied the visa, or maybe it was just the age (yes, I'm 14 years older, Ha!). How can you go from loving someone so deeply to nothing at all?
At some point, I needed to recognize why it no longer matters and let go of how cruel or unjust the breakup was for the best. Fear, always the culprit behind stepping into our next chapter, clouds our vision, but once we can see through the darkness, we get a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.
It took me a while to subside some of my vulnerable feelings of anger, sadness and hurt. At first, trying to ignore, detach, and distract with an out-of-sight, out-of-mind mentality. Then realizing that I couldn't continue on this path because it was catching up and making me feel even worse. Finally, I was tired of numbing, escaping, and pretending to feel like myself again.
Going through all the emotions, coming to terms with reality, feeling, reflecting, and recognizing is healthy as long as we don't dwell on them for too long; sometimes, I do. However, once processed over time (time does heal wounds), with therapy, friends, and family, things become more evident. You can observe the situation as an outsider looking in and breaking the vicious cycle.
Finally, realizing I did nothing wrong, I lost myself in the chaos. I forgot where I came from, all I've struggled through (who hasn't, everyone has a story), and how long it took me to get where I am today. Then, I thought, what happened to that New York woman who had the strength to leave her toxic job and embark on her journey of traveling worldwide for two years. Where did she go?
My heartbreak, betrayal, and mistrust only hurt my ego. Why would I ever want to be with someone who no longer wants to be with me? Someone with bullshit excuses, easily influenced by outsiders, having mixed feelings and not clear on what they want and changes on a dime. Someone who can confuse self-love with selfishness. No, thank you!
I believe everything happens for a reason: the universe is not against me; people come into our lives for different reasons. Every relationship we encounter is to guide us to be better and grow stronger within ourselves. It's to teach us lessons, recognize and break any unhealthy, repetitive patterns that will repeatedly show until you grab it and finally say enough.
Slowly taking my power back, remembering who I am and what I truly deserve, and realizing that the heartbreak destroyed my self-worth as the woman I am meant to be. I am a unique, worldly, wild, beautiful woman with much to offer. I will open my heart again; I will never stop giving the unconditional love deep within my soul.
Once one door closes, you must let go and open the next. Now that the world is my oyster (a refreshing and exciting feeling), I can decide what door to open. I'm ready for the next chapter in my journey, life. I will take the beauty of the relationship that once was and not have to delete that from my mind (or social media). Thank you for showing me love that I know was rare, short-lived but genuinely existed. Within the divine order, knowing that I will find it again, and I hope that you do too.